Separation or divorce can be a daunting prospect when you don’t know where to begin. But whether your relationship has reached the point of no return or you are simply uncertain about your future and looking to explore options, you may need to consider certain things as it could have a material impact once separated. We’ve put together a list of the top 9 things you may wish to consider.

1. If you have children – what time they might spend with each parent.

We get it, at the moment you live together, and you get to see the kids every day. If you are considering separating it helps to have a think about what time the kids should spend with each parent. When considering this, you should also think about the following:

· Who the children primarily spend their time with now?

· Your work commitments – if you work 12-hour days, you might not be able to do school pick up.

· How old your children are – remember when Christmas seemed like forever away and now the year flies by? If your kids are really young, it might be better to build up to big block periods of time away from their primary carer.

· Does your proposal of time consider your kids extra-curricular activities?

· How will you share the big days such as Birthdays, Christmas, Easter and school holidays?

2. Know your financial position

If you have property or assets it is really helpful to put together a list of what your assets and liabilities are. If you aren’t familiar with your finances, it may help to start collecting a copy of recent statements that come in the mail. If these aren’t available to you, don’t worry as there may be other ways to obtain that information after your separation.

3. Make a copy of your important documents

Passports, birth certificates, marriage certificates and any other important documents. If you can’t take the original it helps to have a copy of these for your own records and better yet, a copy certified by a Justice of the Peace. You can find a Justice of the Peace at a pharmacy, police station, your GP or a solicitor.

4. Always remove yourself or get help if things are escalating or you don’t feel safe

Separation is a time of heightened anxiety and stress. If you and your partner are tending to fight a lot and you feel things are escalating to a bad place, remove yourself from the situation and take a breather. If you feel intimidated or threatened, contact your local police or call 000. There are also women’s shelters and other services available to help if needed.

5. Don’t discuss your separation in front of your kids – let kids be kids!

You should always ensure that any serious discussions occur away from kids. The Family Law Act requires parents to shield their children and not draw them into the dispute. It’s also important to ensure that children can’t hear you if you are discussing something serious or your separation. For example, some clients have been criticised for exposing their children inadvertently to conversations about separation or parenting by thinking they are distracted watching TV. Just remember – it’s a stressful event which is usually even more stressful for kids. Try to protect them from that.

6. Don’t put it all over Facebook and don’t fight it out in text messages or emails

Nearly everything can be used as evidence these days. We have seen some cases where the most discerning, smart and lovely people come undone because of silly things they post on social media or send in text and email. Keep all correspondence polite and courteous and maybe reconsider sending that email or text in the heat of the moment.

7. Get legal advice early

Knowledge is key. Lagom Family Law often have people tell us they feel much better after having their initial conference with us. Not all of them end up being our clients – many just needed a professional view point on where separation would leave them and then they decide to stick it out and work on their relationship. This is usually because what felt like the impossible and unknown is now perhaps more manageable, and they have a better idea of what life may be like on the other side.

8. The 50:50 split of assets and “someone you know” scenarios

Everyone knows a horror story, or the outcome a friend or family member had when they separated. In most cases it will mean nothing to draw comparisons to your own circumstances because everyone is different. Children, finances, current work commitments, health - the list goes on. People often believe there is a default position of half or 50:50 however that is not always the case. There are so many variations in how asset pools are broken down, like who brought in the most prior to the relationship, non-financial contributions, future needs such as health and care responsibilities and the ability to re-enter the workforce after separation. It’s a very complicated area and something we specialise in.

So, in other words – don’t rely on your neighbours secondhand information and ensure you get advice that’s specific to you.

9. Look at your Budget

Separating generally involves not just a physical separation but a financial one as well. This means that you may need to reconsider your current expenses in light of your likely future income. If you’ve been out of the workforce, you may want to look at courses or other avenues to retrain and secure some employment. In some circumstances, you might be eligible for financial assistance from a partner for a period of time while you get back on your feet or a larger proportion of a property division.

We are always happy to offer that first chat obligation free and with no costs incurred. Contact us today to have a confidential chat.

Lagom is Swedish and means not too little, not too much, just right. This is our philosophy of practice as we aim to provide tailored advice specific for your individual needs - that’s just right for you!

Lagom Family Law is a boutique legal practice lead by Principal Lichee Hogland who strives to achieve the best possible outcome for her clients whilst being approachable and respectful.